Why is it that we ignore the truths about sexual abuse when it isn't occurring to us or someone close to us? Sexual abuse is the most quiet discussed situation but has such a loud and tremendous impact on the victim and the victims family. Perhaps if it were your brother or sister (yes, both genders are victims of sexual abuse) that was sexually assaulted you would bend over backwards, into a pretzel position if you had to, to protect them. You would do whatever it is that has to be done to ensure the safety and protection of them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sexual abuse awareness is very necessary and relevant. Most importantly because it is difficult for the victims to tell their story. It is unfortunate but I can guarantee you that we all know someone that has been sexually abused. We may not know their story verbatim but that doesn't mean the assault didn't occur. As much as we may not understand the situation because we aren't victims, most do believe that not saying anything will save them from some sort of shame or embarrassment. When in reality all it does is eat away at you like maggots feeding on a dead body. You become numb to everything, no longer feeling or hearing the outside world. But only hearing those intense significant thoughts, your brain repeating those horrible images of what destroyed your self-esteem and invaded your privacy. But you still can't strike the words to express how you feel, to ask for guidance, patience, and support. Silence has the loudest cries for help, I mean just listen to their silence, its unbearable... how can you ignore such vibrant cries?
"She was twenty years old when she came to NY. The Big Apple. Such excitement and you could see how happy she was. That enormous animated smile that starts at one ear and travels all the way to the other. We used to call them "Kool-Aid smiles." Enthusiastic to begin exploring she made friends faster than Usain Bolt in his final lap. With her charismatic personality, upbeat spirit, and her "go-getter" mentality, she surely was someone people could get used to. --But behind every smiling face and rambunctious laugh is a story, a story that some people just would not believe is true.-- She so swiftly fell into the wrong crowd as most of us would say but to her that was just another part of her lifestyle that she embraced way before coming to NY. She joined the local gang and became one of the first girls to be apart of it. I know what you are thinking, I thought about it too. What did she have to do in order to become a member. She didn't have to do anything that she hasn't already done in the previous initiations she was apart of. She started becoming closer to one particular guy out of the group. They started to work with one another so the feelings did become intimate. Of course, he wasn't the only guy she found interest in or lusted, there were a few. The life she lead in New York was molded from the life she lived in other states.
Her parents were killed in a car accident when she was younger so she didn't grow up with the tender love and care your parents provide for you. She didn't have the proper guidance or protection that some of us received. She grew up running with different gangs, living state to state, always on the move and doing what she saw fit to survive. At a young age, the man that she began to see as her protector, provider, and like a father touched her in ways that can still cause havoc to her life. He caressed her skin like she has never felt before. He woke up sensitive hormones, ones she didn't know existed at her age. Those hormones that were buried layers deep under her innocence. He snatched away a moment she was supposed to have with someone she shared passionate, teenage, "you hang up first" puppy love with. Not someone that was supposed to tell her right from wrong, guide her though life's unexplainable moments that were going to take her so low she would be beneath the bottom. He wasn't supposed to be the reason her life has drastically changed and no matter where she went, that thought could still somehow determine her next move in life. Time after time being raped promiscuously and being aroused in ways that were uncontrollable and unexplainable, she made her decision that she wasn't going to endure that anymore. That was the first time she followed through with her thoughts of running away. Seeking an outlet, an escape to the misery and pain she endured repeatedly. Why didn't she run away before, you ask? Because she couldn't live another day with the aching thought that her younger sibling would easily become his next target. She would so dreadfully be handed down her older sisters baggage that neither of them had asked for or deserved. Fortunately, for her sister, she didn't have to experience any of which her sister did. On her journey to figuring out her life she had gotten arrested for multiple incidents, that of course she took part in. She was sent to jail and when she wasn't in jail she was finding new activities that would soon land her right back in jail or even worse. She became an escort giving herself to different men for different pleasures because she knew how it felt for a man to take what he wanted. She thought she would give them what they wanted in return for cash, gifts, dinner/shopping dates instead of receiving guilt, pain, and remorse... which is exactly how her grandfather made her feel. She didn't want to be taken without her consent but all along she wasn't notice what she was getting herself into. Blinded and confused by her past, she figured living this way would some how perish the thoughts and images of what had happened to her. What she really didn't notice is that she was now the victim of her own abuse, abusing herself with the decisions that she made. Exploiting her temple, not realizing or understanding how important, significant, and powerful her body is. Since it was already broken she didn't really see a way or as I would say she didn't want to fix it. Fixing her problem meant that she would have to relive those moments and she just wasn't ready to do so. Coming to NY was supposed to be a breathe of fresh air to get away from the places that she was coming from. Oblivious to the choices she was making she didn't realize that she was running towards more problems. She ran to get away from the difficulties and struggles she was in, only to make more because she didn't allow herself to learn and heal from her past mistakes. She didn't allow herself to learn and grow so she could know how to maneuver different and smarter."
There are thousands of stories that have gone unheard, so many people that are silenced, and so many of us that don't pay enough attention or any at all. The necessity for victims to be heard is beyond urgent. We need to be aware of the abuse that is happening in that alley, at that party, or behind those closed doors. We need to hear the tragedies in order to help them heal. Everyone needs healing, they need to know they have the opportunity to be the person they once were. Sexual abuse changes your life completely. You don't love, trust, believe, or dream the same. For a while your dreams become nightmares. Your beliefs become doubts. That trust you once had turns into confusion. And that love, oh that undying love you've wanted all your life becomes questionable. Will someone ever love you, love you for what you've been through? Will you be able to trust that he wont take advantage of you because you decided to open up to him? Will you find love or will it find you? The comfort of knowing you can trust someone is a great feeling. Listening and understanding someone's story can make them feel so much better about themselves. Being able to love and be loved back after everything you have been through is a feeling you would have never known existed!
So many people suffer from sexual abuse and need someone to talk to. Victims usually believe that what has happened to them is their fault and it isn't. They begin to feel ashamed, guilty, vulnerable, embarrassed, and soon after they begin to isolate themselves. Nightmares, flashbacks, depression, and having difficulty concentrating shortly comes after those emotions wind up. Anger, lack of control, anxiety, denial, and disbelief start to creep up soon after making the victim feel as if their world is spinning out of control. These emotions that victims go through can impact not only their lives but the lives of their loved ones as well. Patience, time and support is very well needed in situations like this. Guidance along with giving space is advised. Families, friends, and loved ones will ride this rollercoaster that life has bestowed on the victim. There is no doubt about it that the family will have difficulty adapting to his/her life. Sometimes, families of the victims do not know what to say or do but you must let it be known that you believe them. You must not forget to control your anger, do not let your emotions surface no matter how angry you are. The focus needs to be on the feelings of the survivor. Rape can make you feel like you lost control of everything so be sure to let the survivor pursue in decision making and don't take their control away. Remember if the survivor doesn't want to discuss the situation there are other ways to be supportive! You can always show that you care, be ready to listen, acknowledge the feelings that are being expressed, and if you don't understand.. EDUCATE YOURSELF!
IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW HAS BEEN SEXUAL ABUSED PLEASE CALL 1-877-955-5247 OR VISIT SAFEHELPLINE.ORG !!
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